Hi
Often I am asked this question: "So After I have accepted and respected the child's feelings, and I have acknowledged the feelings, what next? My response It's like me asking you, after you have won a million dollar lottery, "What next?'' Well nobody asks this (after lottery) question - because we do not care, what next. We celebrate the lottery, that's it. It's assumed after the lottery, 'they happily lived ever after' In a way it's similar with emotions. By acknowledging, accepting and respecting the child's feelings - we have got the lottery. The lottery is we got connected to the child, we have a relationship going! Who bothers 'what after that'! You will say, "Ya all that is fine, but what do I do next? What do I do about, say the child's behaviour" And I say, "What's the hurry? If you want to fix the child or fix the situation or get the outcome you so much want - then yes, 'what next' is soooooo important. However, if you want to understand your child (and understand yourself) - then there is no hurry. If you want your child to feel understood - then there is no what's next. Many parents I meet (including me some years back), say, "I understand my child". They also go ahead and say to their child, "I understand you". Can we really understand somebody? Really, can we? Is that even possible - given that every moment the other person is thinking and feeling and changing. We can 'know' a great deal, but can we really understand? Maybe in all my humility, I can try and understand, rather i can be understanding.
warmly
Aditi-Ratnesh (Ph: +91-98450-45833)
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